Because there are quiet e few people reading this blog (because of the January 2010 and August 2011 Birth Clubs), I have decided to share the Revelations that God has shown me.
Background: Since I has little, I have felt that God has been telling me what is going to happen in my life, so that I can be prepared. It's very hard sometimes to distinguish God's voice and your own voice (at least for me), but for some people, it's very clear. At around 7 years old, the morning my grandpa passed away, God told me he was gone before anyone in my family did. When I was 10, he told me I would move to the US when I was 18 - I had no clue why this would happen but I started to tell my parents that at 18 I would move to another country. I don't know if they ever believed me. I didn't have a desire of really coming to this specific country. At 17, I thought: how does that make any sense, there is no way I would be going by myself to another country in the next year. That's when I met my ex husband and at the time, fell in love, got married, and moved to this country. It was 3 months after I turned 18. After a few years being married, God told me we would divorce or that there would a death. I kept it to myself and cried many times thinking about it. I started grieving a marriage that had just started. It was hard being a step-parent at 18 and not know if my marriage would last, so many sacrifices. In 2006, after we opened our business, I met a wonderful family (Grumbine) in Stanwood and I went to their prayer meeting every week and spent a lot of time at their house. Thru our prayers, God told them that someone in our partnership was going to be corrupt. I thought it meant in a business level and couldn't think of anyone in our partnership that would do that. Well, it turned out that it was my husband at the time and he committed adultery with our business partner's wife. The marriage was over and I was left feeling like my family had been taken away from me and at the time we had been talking about expanding our family, so this was devastating. But God promised me a family. Our Lady was very happy that while the world was choosing to do abortions, I was opening my womb. But God's time is different than our time and things happen in the right time in our lives. It was 4 years later that we I had our baby girl Soleil. God blessed me with a marriage and a baby. He blessed me with the most wonderful husband ever. I truly felt loved and even thought things were and are hard, feeling loved by my husband and God has made me happier than I have ever been before.
Daniel chapter 3: The Image of Gold and the Fiery Furnace
After we found out about the birth defects Max had, I prayed to God and asked him to talk to me. I opened up the Bible on the book of Daniel. My eyes guided me to read chapter 3:
"King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold, ninety feet high and nine feet wide, and set it up in the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. He then summoned the satraps, prefects, governors, advisers, treasures, judges, magistrates and all the other provincial officials to come to the dedication of the image he had set-up. So the satraps, prefects, governors, advisers, treasurers, judges, magistrates and all the other provincial officials assembled for the dedication of the image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up, and they stood before it.
Then the herald loudly proclaimed, "This is what you are commanded to do, O peoples, nation and men of every language: As soon as you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, you must fall down and worship the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up. Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace."
Therefore, as soon as they heard the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music, all the peoples, nations and men of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.
At this time some astrologers came forward and denounced the Jews. They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, "O king, live forever! You have issued a decree, O king, that everyone who hears the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music must fall down and worship the image of gold, and that whoever does not fall down and worship will be thrown into the blazing furnace. But there are some Jews whom you have set over the affairs of the province of Babylon - Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego - who pay no attention to you, O king. They neither serve your gods nor worship the image of gold you have set up."
Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, "Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?"
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve will be able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even is he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual and commanded some of strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. The king's command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to this feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren't there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?"
They replied, "Certainly O King."
He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods."
Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!"
So Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed, their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.
Then Nebuchadnezzar said, "Praise be to the God of Shamdrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way."
Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the province of Babylon."
Background: Around 2006-2007, in one of your prayers, God told my friend that I should not worship the false gods of this country. I had no idea what that meant. I have always, I really mean, often, wondered what that meant. I always caught myself wondering.
After reading this chapter, God gave me a revelation to my heart. It was my story written down and directions of what I should do. We were really devastated that our son would be disabled. My husband even discussed the idea of terminating the pregnancy because it wouldn't be fair for our son to go thru so much pain, he could have severe mental retardation and could be on ventilator and other equipment for the rest of his life. I agree that it wouldn't be fair, who wants to knowingly have their child suffer this way? I could just go ahead with a termination, nobody would suffer anymore. Max wouldn't suffer, and we wouldn't suffer. Soleil wouldn't disappear in the shadow of our busyness trying to care for her brother. I felt guilty in every decision I could make, but I could never live with the feeling that I accepted to murder my living child after seeing him moving around in my womb. I could never fathom going thru this. I would suffer the rest of my life. And I thought, "Lord please take this cup away from us, please if this is your will, then take this cup away, if this is not your will, that your will be done." This was extremely hard for us, I was preparing myself for a lot of suffering, preparing myself to see my son go thru surgeries and maybe, in an extreme end, see him suffer for the rest of our lives. This is not an easy decision either. Both ending a pregnancy and continuing a complicated pregnancy is difficult. You are either stuck with feeling guilty for the rest of your life or possibly spend the rest of your life caring for someone...which one would you choose?
I put my faith in God. After I read the chapter of Daniel, it was clear to me that God was going to come up with a THIRD option. We are only humans and why think about the only two reasonable options there is???? I wanted a miracle. I put all I had of faith in God, every drop, and thought, "Lord, you are the master physician, you have created us and given us knowledge. We are nothing without you, we know nothing without you. Please,I ask you to perform a miracle, work thru us and amaze the doctors, please have the omphalocele be gone or please spare our son and our family and take our child to be with you.
Revelation: bowing down to the image of gold was terminating the pregnancy. And I finally understand what he meant almost FIVE YEARS ago when he said not to worship other gods....this is what He prepared me for. Coming out of the fire unharmed would be him fulfilling his promise, fulfilling the faith we put on him.
I trusted God, with all my heart. I was prepared to have him take my son or perform a miracle. But even if he didn't, I was ok with that. I was also ready to love and care for my son, no matter how disabled he would be.
However, I could still feel that my husband was very stressed about the situation, all he could think of was that he didn't want me hurt because of the pregnancy and the didn't want our son to suffer. He really had the termination option in his mind, but in the end, it would be my decision.
Finally, at around 17 weeks (s/b 20wks), 4 weeks after we found out about Max's condition. My husband told God that it was ok, if that's what we would deal with, then He would also love Max, this little guy, for whoever he was. This was Saturday night, March 12th. We had an appointment at the UW Medical Center. We had decided to change hospitals, since I didn't have an OB in any hospital. One hospital wasn't equipped for staffed to care for our high risk pregnancy and at the other, we did not have an OB established. So, we decided to go to UW, since they are closer to Children's Hospital (where the surgeries would take place).
That morning (Tuesday), while I showered, God told me that our baby had died. For me not to be surprised that there was no heartbeat. It is done. But I still had a hard time getting it that it was God talking to me. I kept wondering if I was wishing that on ourselves, since it was such a strong feeling. But it was God the entire time telling me - I have a lot to learn about God's voice, that's why it's so hard sometimes to distinguish it, until his faithful promise is fulfilled, then we can clearly see.
We went to the UW and the story follows on the post below...there was no heartbeat.
I don't know for sure Max's purpose on Earth, but we know that he fulfilled his time here with us, even though it was short. But God's message will forever be passed thru him. I look forward to the day I can meet Jesus, our father, our son Max, and all the people who left before him.
I hope our pain have strengthened your faith.
God Bless you,
Camila, Bobby, Soleil Rose, and Max Sjogren.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
R.I.P Little Max
He who gives life also takes it away.
Yesterday we went to our first ultrasound at UW Medical Center (3rd total ultrasound) and they informed us that there was no heartbeat (16w2d) - actually they didn't really have to announce because we saw when the ultrasound tech scanned for the heart and there were just bars...she showed the Dr what she took and the Dr came inside to tell us that there was no heartbeat as she promptly put the Doppler where should have been a heartbeat and we saw bars again....no need to say anything then, we knew.
As you can read below, Max had some disabilities and most likely passed away because of his condition and complications that were unknown to us. We choose to keep and love him the way he may have been, but God had different plans for Max after all.
Thank you for all your prayers,
Bobby, Camila, and Soleil Rose
Yesterday we went to our first ultrasound at UW Medical Center (3rd total ultrasound) and they informed us that there was no heartbeat (16w2d) - actually they didn't really have to announce because we saw when the ultrasound tech scanned for the heart and there were just bars...she showed the Dr what she took and the Dr came inside to tell us that there was no heartbeat as she promptly put the Doppler where should have been a heartbeat and we saw bars again....no need to say anything then, we knew.
As you can read below, Max had some disabilities and most likely passed away because of his condition and complications that were unknown to us. We choose to keep and love him the way he may have been, but God had different plans for Max after all.
Thank you for all your prayers,
Bobby, Camila, and Soleil Rose
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Omphalocele and Club Foot Diagnosis (13 weeks pregnant)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fD1sIm3Jzz8
A week prior to this ultrasound, we had had an ultrasound at our regular hospital. The next day, my OB told me that there was something wrong with the baby: maybe a shorter limb and something wrong with its intestines. I wasn't sure what to think...I thought, alright, the intestine is no big deal, but I was a little sad about the "shorter limb," I wanted a healthy normal baby. I never had anyone I know with babies with disabilities. It's the kind of thing that I thought it just wouldn't happen to us. Besides, our first baby Soleil was a healthy 13 month old. My OB could not really tell me too much detail because she hand't received a formal report from the radiologist and she wanted me to schedule a higher resolution level II ultrasound at another facility. I didn't cry until she started talking about believing in prayer and etc. Then I had to break the news to close family. It was hard. I think I get more emotional when people get emotional, otherwise, I can hold my emotions pretty good.
Five days later, we finally get to do the level II ultrasound at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland. It was a little nervewrecking. The whole appointment day lasted about 4 hours (we had to wait one hour in between). It started with talking to a genetic counselour, who explained to us different chromossomal disorders (trisomies) and said that babies with this problem usually have chromossomal problems as well. Which can include mental retardation and other physical disabilities. On the more extreme side, she also explained about trisomy 18, where the baby doesn't usually make it. She explained to us our options: tests that could be available that day (depending on how far along I was, CVS or amnio), fragil X test (tests for mental retardation) and of course, terminating the pregnancy. I hated hearing this. After we were done talking to her, we had about an hour break until the ultrasound room was available. We (me, hubby and my mother-in-law) had lunch and talked about the different possible outcomes and tried to stay calm.
Time for the ultrasound!!! As the technician started the ultrasound, we couldn't see much that we were able to identify as a birth defect, except for the foot looking a little inward, but hey, we are not technicians....the tech was really nice and talked about what parts she was seeing and said that it was too early to tell whether it was a boy or a girl. We were a little bummed. With a level II ultrasound, we thought they would be able to tell. But she said that at this stage, the girl/boy parts are pretty much the same size, so it's hard to tell. Whatever, we will wait till the 20-week ultrasound. Ultrasound was done. we had to wait around 20min until the Perinatologist was done with reviewing the results. The peri. came in and did a little more checking and explained to us that the baby has a club foot and an omphalocele. She explained that usually when a baby has a club foot and the omphalocele, the chances of having Down Syndrome was high. Omphalocele is similar to gastroschisis(sp), except that there is a membrane(sac) covering the organs and they pretrude from the umbilical chord. On the omphalocele, she said that it looked like there was part (or all) of the stomach, all of the intestines and maybe more. But she could not check if the liver was out because it's so small [at this point] that she couldn't see it - but we will be able to tell at 16 weeks. She said that if the liver is out, it's a good thing. Usually if it is out, there aren't necessary any chromossal issues involved. The perinatologist offered to do a CVS and we agreed. A CVS is simlar to an amniocentesis, but instead of drawing cells from the amnionic fluid, they draw cells from the placenta. After 16 weeks, an amnio is a better choice, since the two layers are fused (I think it was the uterus and the sac). She also offered to consider the option of termination. She mentioned that a LOT OF COUPLES CHOOSE TO TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY. I'm really starting to hate this...quit offering to murder my child!!! If this birth is not suppose to be, then it will terminate itself. Of course I didn't say anything.
Two days later we receive part of the results for the CVS. This test checks for trisomies, which means, they check if all the chromosses are in pairs vs 3s. For example, trissomy 21 is when there are 3 chromossomes instead of 2(down syndrome). We were very anxious and praying praying and praying. I was thinking, "God, I can't handle this, I don't want to handle this," I thought, if it is your will, please heal our baby, take this cup from us. But I follow your will, that your will be done, whatever it is. The genetic counselour called me and I told her that before she says anything, me and my husband decided that if there is anything wrong, we do not want to know the sex. So, she told us that the test came out ok, no trisomies for 13, 18, and 21 chromosse pairs. I asked her to tell me whether it is a boy or a girl, but she said that it would be better to wait for the rest of the results, since there could still be something equally devastating. We felt so blessed that the first part of the test came out alright! Thank you Lord!! However, we were still a little tense. It would be another week until the remaining results.
Less than a week later, I got a call again from the genetic counselour and she said the the rest of the test was also ok. And she told us that we are expecting a boy!!! I was so so happy. She also offered a test called microarray, where they take a look the genes, inside the chromossome. It's an expensive test ($1,500) and she wasn't sure if DSHS would cover. Now I had a whole other issue to decide: if they don't cover, should we do it? We came up with the conclusion that we would not do it because there will always be a more detailed test available It would be like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. But they wanted to know where the problem was. On top of that, Bobby had started a new job, so we wouldn't qualify for DSHS anymore, which means, I prob would have to quit my job before I wanted to....fast fwd.....I call DSHS and find out that I'm eligible until the end of the pregnancy, regardless. This was a blessing to hear. I can continue working and have my ultrasounds covered. I will have to be at the hospital quiet a bit. This pregnancy is considered high risk because of the birth defects. Therefore, I will be having an ultrasound every 4 weeks. $$$$ there is no way I could pay out of pocket.
We thought it would be another few weeks to get the CVS results, but the genetic counselour called me and said they need a blood draw before they start the analysis :( great, now it's tuesday, I work Wed-Fri, so I can't go in till Monday....more waiting
PS - At 4:25 on the ultrasound video until around 4:35, you can see the onphalocele and she measures it, around 2.5cm
A week prior to this ultrasound, we had had an ultrasound at our regular hospital. The next day, my OB told me that there was something wrong with the baby: maybe a shorter limb and something wrong with its intestines. I wasn't sure what to think...I thought, alright, the intestine is no big deal, but I was a little sad about the "shorter limb," I wanted a healthy normal baby. I never had anyone I know with babies with disabilities. It's the kind of thing that I thought it just wouldn't happen to us. Besides, our first baby Soleil was a healthy 13 month old. My OB could not really tell me too much detail because she hand't received a formal report from the radiologist and she wanted me to schedule a higher resolution level II ultrasound at another facility. I didn't cry until she started talking about believing in prayer and etc. Then I had to break the news to close family. It was hard. I think I get more emotional when people get emotional, otherwise, I can hold my emotions pretty good.
Five days later, we finally get to do the level II ultrasound at Evergreen Hospital in Kirkland. It was a little nervewrecking. The whole appointment day lasted about 4 hours (we had to wait one hour in between). It started with talking to a genetic counselour, who explained to us different chromossomal disorders (trisomies) and said that babies with this problem usually have chromossomal problems as well. Which can include mental retardation and other physical disabilities. On the more extreme side, she also explained about trisomy 18, where the baby doesn't usually make it. She explained to us our options: tests that could be available that day (depending on how far along I was, CVS or amnio), fragil X test (tests for mental retardation) and of course, terminating the pregnancy. I hated hearing this. After we were done talking to her, we had about an hour break until the ultrasound room was available. We (me, hubby and my mother-in-law) had lunch and talked about the different possible outcomes and tried to stay calm.
Time for the ultrasound!!! As the technician started the ultrasound, we couldn't see much that we were able to identify as a birth defect, except for the foot looking a little inward, but hey, we are not technicians....the tech was really nice and talked about what parts she was seeing and said that it was too early to tell whether it was a boy or a girl. We were a little bummed. With a level II ultrasound, we thought they would be able to tell. But she said that at this stage, the girl/boy parts are pretty much the same size, so it's hard to tell. Whatever, we will wait till the 20-week ultrasound. Ultrasound was done. we had to wait around 20min until the Perinatologist was done with reviewing the results. The peri. came in and did a little more checking and explained to us that the baby has a club foot and an omphalocele. She explained that usually when a baby has a club foot and the omphalocele, the chances of having Down Syndrome was high. Omphalocele is similar to gastroschisis(sp), except that there is a membrane(sac) covering the organs and they pretrude from the umbilical chord. On the omphalocele, she said that it looked like there was part (or all) of the stomach, all of the intestines and maybe more. But she could not check if the liver was out because it's so small [at this point] that she couldn't see it - but we will be able to tell at 16 weeks. She said that if the liver is out, it's a good thing. Usually if it is out, there aren't necessary any chromossal issues involved. The perinatologist offered to do a CVS and we agreed. A CVS is simlar to an amniocentesis, but instead of drawing cells from the amnionic fluid, they draw cells from the placenta. After 16 weeks, an amnio is a better choice, since the two layers are fused (I think it was the uterus and the sac). She also offered to consider the option of termination. She mentioned that a LOT OF COUPLES CHOOSE TO TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY. I'm really starting to hate this...quit offering to murder my child!!! If this birth is not suppose to be, then it will terminate itself. Of course I didn't say anything.
Two days later we receive part of the results for the CVS. This test checks for trisomies, which means, they check if all the chromosses are in pairs vs 3s. For example, trissomy 21 is when there are 3 chromossomes instead of 2(down syndrome). We were very anxious and praying praying and praying. I was thinking, "God, I can't handle this, I don't want to handle this," I thought, if it is your will, please heal our baby, take this cup from us. But I follow your will, that your will be done, whatever it is. The genetic counselour called me and I told her that before she says anything, me and my husband decided that if there is anything wrong, we do not want to know the sex. So, she told us that the test came out ok, no trisomies for 13, 18, and 21 chromosse pairs. I asked her to tell me whether it is a boy or a girl, but she said that it would be better to wait for the rest of the results, since there could still be something equally devastating. We felt so blessed that the first part of the test came out alright! Thank you Lord!! However, we were still a little tense. It would be another week until the remaining results.
Less than a week later, I got a call again from the genetic counselour and she said the the rest of the test was also ok. And she told us that we are expecting a boy!!! I was so so happy. She also offered a test called microarray, where they take a look the genes, inside the chromossome. It's an expensive test ($1,500) and she wasn't sure if DSHS would cover. Now I had a whole other issue to decide: if they don't cover, should we do it? We came up with the conclusion that we would not do it because there will always be a more detailed test available It would be like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. But they wanted to know where the problem was. On top of that, Bobby had started a new job, so we wouldn't qualify for DSHS anymore, which means, I prob would have to quit my job before I wanted to....fast fwd.....I call DSHS and find out that I'm eligible until the end of the pregnancy, regardless. This was a blessing to hear. I can continue working and have my ultrasounds covered. I will have to be at the hospital quiet a bit. This pregnancy is considered high risk because of the birth defects. Therefore, I will be having an ultrasound every 4 weeks. $$$$ there is no way I could pay out of pocket.
We thought it would be another few weeks to get the CVS results, but the genetic counselour called me and said they need a blood draw before they start the analysis :( great, now it's tuesday, I work Wed-Fri, so I can't go in till Monday....more waiting
PS - At 4:25 on the ultrasound video until around 4:35, you can see the onphalocele and she measures it, around 2.5cm
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