Because there are quiet e few people reading this blog (because of the January 2010 and August 2011 Birth Clubs), I have decided to share the Revelations that God has shown me.
Background: Since I has little, I have felt that God has been telling me what is going to happen in my life, so that I can be prepared. It's very hard sometimes to distinguish God's voice and your own voice (at least for me), but for some people, it's very clear. At around 7 years old, the morning my grandpa passed away, God told me he was gone before anyone in my family did. When I was 10, he told me I would move to the US when I was 18 - I had no clue why this would happen but I started to tell my parents that at 18 I would move to another country. I don't know if they ever believed me. I didn't have a desire of really coming to this specific country. At 17, I thought: how does that make any sense, there is no way I would be going by myself to another country in the next year. That's when I met my ex husband and at the time, fell in love, got married, and moved to this country. It was 3 months after I turned 18. After a few years being married, God told me we would divorce or that there would a death. I kept it to myself and cried many times thinking about it. I started grieving a marriage that had just started. It was hard being a step-parent at 18 and not know if my marriage would last, so many sacrifices. In 2006, after we opened our business, I met a wonderful family (Grumbine) in Stanwood and I went to their prayer meeting every week and spent a lot of time at their house. Thru our prayers, God told them that someone in our partnership was going to be corrupt. I thought it meant in a business level and couldn't think of anyone in our partnership that would do that. Well, it turned out that it was my husband at the time and he committed adultery with our business partner's wife. The marriage was over and I was left feeling like my family had been taken away from me and at the time we had been talking about expanding our family, so this was devastating. But God promised me a family. Our Lady was very happy that while the world was choosing to do abortions, I was opening my womb. But God's time is different than our time and things happen in the right time in our lives. It was 4 years later that we I had our baby girl Soleil. God blessed me with a marriage and a baby. He blessed me with the most wonderful husband ever. I truly felt loved and even thought things were and are hard, feeling loved by my husband and God has made me happier than I have ever been before.
Daniel chapter 3: The Image of Gold and the Fiery Furnace
After we found out about the birth defects Max had, I prayed to God and asked him to talk to me. I opened up the Bible on the book of Daniel. My eyes guided me to read chapter 3:
"King Nebuchadnezzar made an image of gold, ninety feet high and nine feet wide, and set it up in the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. He then summoned the satraps, prefects, governors, advisers, treasures, judges, magistrates and all the other provincial officials to come to the dedication of the image he had set-up. So the satraps, prefects, governors, advisers, treasurers, judges, magistrates and all the other provincial officials assembled for the dedication of the image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up, and they stood before it.
Then the herald loudly proclaimed, "This is what you are commanded to do, O peoples, nation and men of every language: As soon as you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, you must fall down and worship the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up. Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace."
Therefore, as soon as they heard the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp and all kinds of music, all the peoples, nations and men of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.
At this time some astrologers came forward and denounced the Jews. They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, "O king, live forever! You have issued a decree, O king, that everyone who hears the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music must fall down and worship the image of gold, and that whoever does not fall down and worship will be thrown into the blazing furnace. But there are some Jews whom you have set over the affairs of the province of Babylon - Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego - who pay no attention to you, O king. They neither serve your gods nor worship the image of gold you have set up."
Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, "Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?"
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve will be able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even is he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
Then Nebuchadnezzar was furious with Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and his attitude toward them changed. He ordered the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual and commanded some of strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and throw them into the blazing furnace. So these men, wearing their robes, trousers, turbans and other clothes, were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. The king's command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.
Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to this feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren't there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?"
They replied, "Certainly O King."
He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods."
Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!"
So Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed, their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.
Then Nebuchadnezzar said, "Praise be to the God of Shamdrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king's command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way."
Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the province of Babylon."
Background: Around 2006-2007, in one of your prayers, God told my friend that I should not worship the false gods of this country. I had no idea what that meant. I have always, I really mean, often, wondered what that meant. I always caught myself wondering.
After reading this chapter, God gave me a revelation to my heart. It was my story written down and directions of what I should do. We were really devastated that our son would be disabled. My husband even discussed the idea of terminating the pregnancy because it wouldn't be fair for our son to go thru so much pain, he could have severe mental retardation and could be on ventilator and other equipment for the rest of his life. I agree that it wouldn't be fair, who wants to knowingly have their child suffer this way? I could just go ahead with a termination, nobody would suffer anymore. Max wouldn't suffer, and we wouldn't suffer. Soleil wouldn't disappear in the shadow of our busyness trying to care for her brother. I felt guilty in every decision I could make, but I could never live with the feeling that I accepted to murder my living child after seeing him moving around in my womb. I could never fathom going thru this. I would suffer the rest of my life. And I thought, "Lord please take this cup away from us, please if this is your will, then take this cup away, if this is not your will, that your will be done." This was extremely hard for us, I was preparing myself for a lot of suffering, preparing myself to see my son go thru surgeries and maybe, in an extreme end, see him suffer for the rest of our lives. This is not an easy decision either. Both ending a pregnancy and continuing a complicated pregnancy is difficult. You are either stuck with feeling guilty for the rest of your life or possibly spend the rest of your life caring for someone...which one would you choose?
I put my faith in God. After I read the chapter of Daniel, it was clear to me that God was going to come up with a THIRD option. We are only humans and why think about the only two reasonable options there is???? I wanted a miracle. I put all I had of faith in God, every drop, and thought, "Lord, you are the master physician, you have created us and given us knowledge. We are nothing without you, we know nothing without you. Please,I ask you to perform a miracle, work thru us and amaze the doctors, please have the omphalocele be gone or please spare our son and our family and take our child to be with you.
Revelation: bowing down to the image of gold was terminating the pregnancy. And I finally understand what he meant almost FIVE YEARS ago when he said not to worship other gods....this is what He prepared me for. Coming out of the fire unharmed would be him fulfilling his promise, fulfilling the faith we put on him.
I trusted God, with all my heart. I was prepared to have him take my son or perform a miracle. But even if he didn't, I was ok with that. I was also ready to love and care for my son, no matter how disabled he would be.
However, I could still feel that my husband was very stressed about the situation, all he could think of was that he didn't want me hurt because of the pregnancy and the didn't want our son to suffer. He really had the termination option in his mind, but in the end, it would be my decision.
Finally, at around 17 weeks (s/b 20wks), 4 weeks after we found out about Max's condition. My husband told God that it was ok, if that's what we would deal with, then He would also love Max, this little guy, for whoever he was. This was Saturday night, March 12th. We had an appointment at the UW Medical Center. We had decided to change hospitals, since I didn't have an OB in any hospital. One hospital wasn't equipped for staffed to care for our high risk pregnancy and at the other, we did not have an OB established. So, we decided to go to UW, since they are closer to Children's Hospital (where the surgeries would take place).
That morning (Tuesday), while I showered, God told me that our baby had died. For me not to be surprised that there was no heartbeat. It is done. But I still had a hard time getting it that it was God talking to me. I kept wondering if I was wishing that on ourselves, since it was such a strong feeling. But it was God the entire time telling me - I have a lot to learn about God's voice, that's why it's so hard sometimes to distinguish it, until his faithful promise is fulfilled, then we can clearly see.
We went to the UW and the story follows on the post below...there was no heartbeat.
I don't know for sure Max's purpose on Earth, but we know that he fulfilled his time here with us, even though it was short. But God's message will forever be passed thru him. I look forward to the day I can meet Jesus, our father, our son Max, and all the people who left before him.
I hope our pain have strengthened your faith.
God Bless you,
Camila, Bobby, Soleil Rose, and Max Sjogren.